By Jowell Tan
I like to think I have a good relationship with the elves in my home. I buy a little extra at the supermarket to make a second portion of dinner every night, and I leave it out on a plate in the corner of the kitchen for them to eat. In return, they do the dishes and put my shoes back in the drawer. They help out with the house chores on the weekend, and we both indulge in a sugary treat after. But recently, things have started to change. I started seeing this guy, Mark, from work. We had dinner at my house one night. I bought two portions of dinner and a little more for the elves. We had wine and got a little tipsy, and he spent the night at my house. The next morning, we couldn’t find his clothes and shoes. We searched the bedroom high and low. We finally found his shirt in the fridge, his pants down the toilet, and his left shoe hanging out the window. We never found his right shoe. The next night, I made a larger portion of dinner for the elves. I set it down in the corner, and I asked them to please be nice to Mark. I hadn’t had a boy in forever, he seemed really nice, and I wanted to give him a chance. The next morning, I woke up to a spotless kitchen and my shoes in the drawer. The next time Mark spent the night, they put his shoes in the drawer too, next to mine. Mark came over more often, spent more nights in my room. We really liked each other’s company. Going out, he would hold my hand and kiss my lips. He would pay for things and carry them for me. We went for walks in the park, late-night movies, weekend getaways. One night, just before we fell asleep, he said he loved me. Over breakfast the next morning I said I loved him too. His clothes and shoes never went missing anymore. Now we make two portions for dinner everyday and a little more for the elves. They wash the dishes and put our shoes in the drawer side by side. They help us with the house chores every weekend, and then the three of us indulge in a sugary treat after. Then yesterday, while we were out in the mall, we walked past the pet store and saw just the cutest dog. It had big round eyes and the handsomest face. Mark wanted to buy it on the spot. I wanted to ask the elves first. Mark assured me that it would be no problem, that the elves would love the dog too. So we bought the dog along with a bowl and some dog food, and we brought him home. We made two portions of dinner and a little more for the elves and put the plate in their usual corner of the kitchen. We placed the dog bowl in the opposite corner with some dog food in it. After dinner, we said goodnight to the dog and the elves we went to bed. This morning, I woke up and found the dog lying dead in the living room with a knife stuck into its side. It had bled out, and with its blood, the words NO DOGS were written out on the floor. Mark found a cardboard box and buried the dog in the nearby park while I stayed home to clean up the blood on the floor. It looks like I’ll have to make a bigger portion of dinner for the elves tonight. I knew I should have asked them first. Maybe they’ll be okay with a cat instead.
Jowell Tan (b. 1988) thinks in words, which is probably why he likes to write. He’s had words published in various places - say hi to him on Twitter (@jwlltn) and he’ll show you where the stories are buried. He thanks you for reading, and hopes you’ll have a wonderful day.
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